If you follow our blog regularly, you'll know that I generally write blogs that are more focused on teaching a concept and are less personal to me. Today I was in the middle of writing another more technical post and I stopped. I wasn't happy with the post, I wasn't happy that it was getting too long, and I wasn't happy that I felt like I should explain 10,000 more things to help reinforce my points.
And you know what? Nobody was asking for that blog post anyway!
Instead I want to write a more personal post. Instead of putting more information and teaching out there I want to put Jay out there. I'm not a "feeling" type of person so this is a little weird to me, in fact, I've spent most of my adult life saying "I'm a numbers guy" or kind of segmenting the people in my life. Work friends don't know what I like to do for fun and fun friends don't know what I enjoy at work. That's not super healthy and I want to try to be more open.
I'm not gonna call it a resolution, It's just what I feel like God has been teaching me through these past few months. That relationships are two way and by being closed off I have made it difficult for those around me to get to know me, enjoy the things I enjoy, and be a part of my life. People can't read minds and so they can't know for sure what you are thinking or feeling in any particular situation unless you share!
Like I said before, I want to put me out there this post instead of more info. Unfortunately, I don't know how to do that without sharing info about me. Ironic, I know. I'm open for ideas if you know a good way to do that.
If you haven't guessed, I'm shy. I'm less shy than I used to be, but still pretty ridiculously shy. I'm not shy because I'm afraid of people or public speaking or anything like that. (In fact, I love teaching.) I'm shy, because I can't carry-on a conversation. 9 times out of 10 I'm really interested in a conversation, but I like to fully process the information coming at me. Unfortunately, awkward silence and 12 hour pauses in conversation to think are not really conducive to a good conversation. (I also generally respond in conversation with movie quotes and memes which also doesn't help I'm sure). I'm great at answering questions, just maybe not chatting.
One of the reasons I'm not so shy anymore is that my wonderful wife of 8 years has helped me out of it. Namely, by dragging me to events and social gatherings that I'd rather not be at. The kicking and screaming was mostly internal but it was still there. I am thankful though, because sometimes you need to do the things you don't want to do in order to grow and get better.
Anywho, more about me. I rather enjoy playing video games. Recently, I've been playing Guild Wars 2, Battlefield, and Shadow of Mordor. It almost feels wrong to put that out there, as I know plenty of people that look down at people who play video games. After that, I really like model terrain building. Some people think model trains and the like are boring, but I think they are ridiculously exciting! The amount of detail and realism that you can get into a simple model is a joy to look at. I've been doing terrain building since I was a little boy. Back then I would spend the whole day setting up those little green and tan army men across my room in mock battle. It's one of my favorite memories from when I was a kid.
In terms of work… I really enjoy work! (<--- See that was a nod to despicable me. I told you, I'm full of quotes) My favorite thing that I currently get to work on is preparing and presenting teachings. Both theological and technical construction teachings. In fact, if I got to teach both on the same day I think I would be in heaven! (Not literally of course. That would mean I was dead) Besides teaching, I miss working in civil engineering/land surveying a lot. Collecting, organizing, and drawing spatial data in the form of CAD drawings and models is a whole lot of fun. If I could figure out a way to do it part time while I was abroad I would do it at the drop of a hat. It's just that much fun.
I hope I'm not being weird with this post. I feel like I'm rambling a little bit, but I also want to be open about the various areas in my life more than I have been. Likes/dislikes and such, you know? God doesn't just want the information in my head. He wants all of me. I'm more than just the answers I give or the information I know. I'm Jay and God loves even the weird or boring things about me.